i want to hear
the way your heart sounded
when i told you
i wanted nothing to do with you
anymore.
i want to know
who the first person
you turned to was,
and i want to know
how soon you told them.
i want to know
how many times
you reached for your phone
and dialed my number,
or how many times
you reached for your keys,
got in your car,
and didn't drive to see me.
i want to know,
because
you made me
cold, hard
and bitter.
and i am learning
to find my
compassion
again.
you changed me, and i let you by breathinginthestars, literature
Literature
you changed me, and i let you
the first thing you said to me when you came home was,
"i hate you."
the day that death
took its bony hands
and shoved its cold fingers
down my throat,
you told me i wasn't worth
the sex you might lose
to stop it.
for the first time
in the years
that my anger against you
has consumed me,
i have clipped away
the parts of my life
that were blackened by you.
but i don't know
what else to cut away
without cutting into myself.
i don't know who i am
without my anger towards you
and that only makes me angrier.
sometimes it's scary, by breathinginthestars, literature
Literature
sometimes it's scary,
i do not want
to need someone.
but if i were to need anyone,
i would want to need someone that is gentle.
i would want to need
someone that knows
how to hold my heart.
someone that knows
it does not belong on a shelf,
away from any danger,
but cradled in the warmth
of their hands.
i would need someone
that is kind.
someone that knows
they cannot promise
not to hurt me,
but can promise to always
do it with kindness.
i want to need someone
that knows sometimes
i don't want to talk,
and that that's okay.
someone that understands
that i have trouble saying no,
even when i want to.
someone who will ask me
if i'm sure.
i want to need someo
but i still got you. by breathinginthestars, literature
Literature
but i still got you.
what i need
is to walk up to you,
and tell you
that what you did
nearly killed me.
what i need
is to sit with you
and know you know
you fucking
broke
me .
what i need
is for you to realize
the damage you have done-
that no romance
gone wrong
could ever hurt me
the way you did.
what i need you to know
is that you destroyed me,
and that three years later,
i deserve better.
i have
always
deserved
better.
it feels like i never will. by breathinginthestars, literature
Literature
it feels like i never will.
my heart is sore,
and it's making me sick.
i have spent three years
choking
on my sadness.
i have let it swallow me,
and drown me
constantly.
i have spent countless hours
trying to free myself
of my anger.
you've brought me to a place
i never want to go back to,
but i always forget:
i never left.
burning through the lining by breathinginthestars, literature
Literature
burning through the lining
i have spent three years
choking
on my sadness.
i have let it swallow me,
and drown me
constantly.
i have spent countless hours
trying to free myself
of my anger.
i have thrown pieces of myself
into the lives of other people
and tried to rebuild my frame
from pieces of them.
ghandi said that anger is a hot coal,
but i can't let it go,
because i swallowed it,
and it's burning a hole in my belly.
when i woke up this morning
it felt more like i had been
hit by a train than
plagued by nightmares.
and i thought of last night;
last year;
and i realized that
this year
started when i lost my
mind